Paul spoke about being content in times of plenty as well as in times of dire need (Philippians 4:11-13). God has been dealing with me and unveiling my heart, that perhaps I'm not as content in every circumstance as I should be. I talked about the recent challenges we've had with the internet, but as of Feb 1st, I've been the only pediatrician here as the other has taken much needed leave. Thus, I have been lacking in joy as the overwhelming burden of the hospital busy-ness has now fallen on me. I'm working 7 days a week and have felt run down and exhausted.
Then I attended a C-section back in January where the mother had HIV. While awaiting to receive baby, the cord was cut, and it sprayed HIV blood into my face (and eyes) prompting me to take a month of post-exposure HIV medications. (No way of checking maternal viral load here or gauging how compliant mother had been on her treatment.) These meds made me jaundiced, gave me nagging GI upset, and just made me even more fatigued forcing me to sleep 9+hrs a night...and still I managed to feel unrested every day while taking. (Thank God, I'm off the pills and still HIV negative.)
Now, for the past 2 weeks, we've been struggling with water issues. My bathroom pipes burst 3x just in the last couple of days alone, and always at inconvenient times (mid-night or 3am). There were several days that just taking a shower or having any running water was impossible. And I've been a grouch, a big bad meany as a result of all of my creature comforts having been stripped away one by one. Surely, I must have forgotten what it's like to be in true need, need of the basics that we often take for granted, like our health, running water, a comfortable bed and a goodnight of uninhibited sleep. Needs that I must be in tune with to have any hope of genuine empathy and love for the hurting people I'm here to serve.
These past 6 weeks, God has been right there holding my hand and answering my outcry for humility, bringing me to the end of myself and reminding me that my whole existence is dependent on Him and His provision. I have not always been sensitive to His teaching, but surely this was His response to me.
If you recall too, 6 weeks ago, I was feeling a little blue questioning even why God brought me to Cameroon and wondering what good I was affecting for Him. I shared my speculation with a colleague of mine here. He and his family have been awesome comrades in the trenches. Chris reminded me that we were brought to Cameroon not for our pleasure and not even for the sake of the local people. We are here simply for the pleasure of God and for His divine purposes (whatever those purposes may be and despite whatever capacity we have to discern His bigger plan!) (Romans 12:1-2) Chris referenced the famous sermon by Paris Reidhead "Ten Shekels & a Shirt" which can be accessed on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDQC45_RA2c. This sermon has been helpful for me to gain fresh perspective, refocus.
So now, I leave you with a different prayer, that we may diligently give thanks in all circumstances as surely that is the will of God! (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
